Out, then back

I saw her eyes scan my soul from head to toe before finally approaching the bookshelf where I was browsing. I reciprocated her gaze and smiled, then dropped the book I was holding. Just as I was to pick the book, she pretended to look for something on the lowest of the shelf. We acted as if our skins touching were nothing but accidental and those stare of libido were mere friendly act.

That was the prelude to a flirting that lasted half an hour inside a bookstore. If this was an ordinary day, I could have just continued with my business and indulge in my make-believe world. But this is the first time I went out of my apartment after four days, thus the appetite for some adventure.

In the end, I got a copy of Sycujo's Ilustrado and her number.

Before going to another bookstore, I wonder why I am a better catcher of girls than guys. I spent some time in the mall. The image of the lady already a blur to my memory.

As soon as I got home, I checked my computer, hoping to see an email from him that could probably break this life's sullen monotony. There was none. I checked his Facebook account. There laid in front of me were wall posts from him and the guy he currently dates. Before I even had the nerve to check his photos, I closed the tab, freeing myself from possible sentient the action could bring.

I ate my dinner and pondered on how I manage to pull all sentiments inwards without bursting. The moment I sat down again to surf the internet, he came online. I resisted, but something always brings me down to him. Again, I checked his account and read older wall posts and tried to hold myself. Without chain, he still hold me, no doubt.

For the second time, I left his profile page and opened my mail.

Lying in my draft folder is the email I hope I had sent him a year ago before everything became more complicated between us. I stared at it for a while, no need to read since I have memorized every lines of the letter.

I guess, this is why I am lost, partly.

*I went to Booksale and saw some second-hand American textbook on Business Law cases. Which reminded me of school.