Naiveness can be dangerous

We were never allowed to have cats as pet- the absolute opposite of our neighbor who has at least 6 cats in their house. I was in high school when I saw our neighbor's 5 year-old son drop one of their cat's new born kitten from their balcony. The kid went down to check the kitten, but as I expected, the poor kitten was already dead. Instead of crying, the kid's face was painted with disappointment.

When I was given a chance to talk with the kid, I asked him why he did that to the poor kitten. His innocent face turned on me and explained the reason in his childish way. It turned out, his yaya told him cats have nine lives and the reason why there are a lot of cats in the highway was due to the fact that they don't die easily. So the unsuspecting kid did what he thought was real. And the reality was not what he expected. And one life has to suffer.

But that was years ago and the kid is already old to know that cats don't have more than one life- already grown up to be more critical and sophisticated.

Everyday, I sleep at 3AM when my eyes start to feel drowsy. I wake up exactly an hour before my class. If earlier, I grab my books and read again. If later, I rush and could finish personal care for 10 minutes. I go to school with a backpack, a shoulder bag, book in one hand and a jacket on the other. I would pass by the canteen to buy water and candy, sometimes take a smoke. I would take my seat in the center of the room and start to curse the cases I wasn't able to finish. During the class, my emotions would shift from nervousness to relief to being more nervous until the prof leaves the room. After class, I would chitchat with some friends. I would either go home or to the library with one purpose- to study. But I always end up sleeping. I would eat dinner, and realize I haven't eaten anything the whole day. Surf the internet a few minutes, go back to reading then sleep. The cycle just goes on. For weekends, just remove the going to school part and you have my life.

This routine, for the purpose of a possible long term benefit my parents have longed for. The idea of having someone of legal profession in the family was such a vision that was brought upon by Ally McBeal and relatives who are not satisfied with their lives. The notion of a good future, fulfilling career, dozens of car and mistresses seem enticing enough for my titos, titas and cousins' uncomplicated mind. I was the golden boy, anyway.

People, when clueless about something, take what other people say without further questions. Often times, they are trapped by the expectations that they take it as the reality without even thinking. Worse, they take other people with their perceived reality.

I was no superman. But this current artless life had turned out to be my kryptonite.


  1. o darling. you know that i totally feel for you right? :) pat on the back.

    i hate cats btw. like i hate them soo much i get scared when i see one. see, the reason why they said that cats have 9 lives is that their scapula is detached. meaning, even when they're dropped from a high altitude, they can survive the impact. but then again, death is sad.

  2. RRRIIGGHHHT! I am the most suicidal person alive now.

    and i want a metaphoric scapula, so i can feel nothing whenever i fall.

  3. It's hard to find yourself set on a path you yourself did not define. What's harder is realizing that you've gone too far to consider going back. But sometimes, realizing it could be an opportunity to find detours to the destination you wish to thread.

    As to cats, I am mesmerized by their grace. They're are proud creatures, territorial and elegant.