What happened on the 20th of September two years ago was some random event of lesser cosmic significance.

It was your birthday, and was the first time I actually had the courage to take steps to know you more. It was your birthday and you said you wanted to start from scratch. After some puppy heartbreaks, you said at 19, you ought to be mature. No more hesitations, no more wasted time waiting and expecting for things not meant to be. You said you were up to actually fight for what you want.

The day after, it was your turn to greet me. I though it was some divine shit to actually have our birthdays follow each other. I just turned 18 and god knows how cheesy those exchange of text messages were.

I told you I wanted to scrap some part of the cynic in me. You told me I can start by opening myself more to someone I would really want to be with. I did. And by starting to take you seriously, I thought it was one step towards becoming more trusting .

It was an almost genesis. But it turned out you can't actually leave things behind and start without making the past justified or resolved. You told me the kid in you was still too playful. I was frank when I admitted I still have problems with commitments.

But yes, in my part, it turned out to be a beginning of what seemed to be the longest torture from waiting, hoping and wishing.

I don't think I would greet you, and I bet you'll greet me only out of decency. But nevertheless, happy birthday and let's hope this thing will end soon.

(This entry, because I can't really tell people the reason behind why I hated celebrations, in this case, birthdays)(Pero actually, gusto ko lang talagang magdrama kasi 20 na ako. Pota.)


  1. We turn not older by years, but newer everyday.
    - Emily Dickinson

    Happy 20th Birthday!

  2. Happy Birthday!!!
    I had the same dilemma on reciprocating a birthday greeting from an ex. and ex and i had the same birth month as well. very similar to your situation. he greeted me on my cake-day; i chose to forget about his. bad, bad me!

    anyway, here's to hoping you'll have more candles to blow, more reasons to smile, and more blessings to receive. may your path be strewn with lots of lovin' and hot Brazilian hunks!