Tonight I checked your facebook profile...

"Nang mawala ka sa akin, ikaw at ako'y nawalan.

Ako dahil ikaw ang minahal ko nang lubusan

at ikaw dahil ako ang saiyo'y lubusang nagmahal.

Nguni't sa dalawa ay ikaw ang higit na nawalan;

dahil puwede kong mahalin ang iba tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa iyo

ngunit ika'y di mamahalin

tulad nang kung paano kita minahal."

(Ernesto Cardenal)

...and all I saw were signs that you are having fun with your life now. While I am stuck in this wilderness, drinking beer alone on a Saturday night.

God, I hate my life.

Boring life symptom #1

It was one of those unexplainable moments of eye contact where response is inevitable.

After almost a thousand bucks gone and only a few cases read, I noticed you looking at me. I pretended I didn't care. You went back to sipping your coffee and reading some medical stuff alien to my mens rea. And the usual drama went on. You looked, I looked, our eyes met, repeat after 10 minutes.

Typical situations usually need no thinking. I stoop up to go to the CR. After passing by your table, I heard the creaks of your chair. In a few seconds, only the sound of your footsteps echoed with the jazz music in the coffee shop. But despite the small space we are in, all that happened were a few minutes of consciously flirting with no intent of actually doing anything further.

I spent a few more hours and cups of coffee and sticks of cigarette before leaving. All the time, the eye contacts were consensus. Again, typical situation would make me just go and approach you and ask to maybe study somewhere else. But the night ended with the rain and me alone in the car, with piles of cases and papers to be read.

***

On a more personal note, this week is an absolute social mess. No payday gimik with college friends, no inuman with blockmates, no dinner with family. I might tell my friends I am serious when I told them I am suicidal. This linear, monochromatic uninspiring life is not for me, I guess.

I have no more life

kthnxbye

The need to be drunk again

I won't be surprised if upon check-up the doctor would tell me I don't have blood running through my veins anymore. If there's one liquid that should summarize my life for the past weeks, it is alcohol.
And last week was, I guess, the worst I had ever since the school started. I had seen failures academically, socially and, uhm, emotionally. And I didn't have any comfort my dear friend. I have only seen Cantina when I pass in Katipunan, and the only place outside school I've been to is Trinoma to meet college friends because it's payday.

Sunday nights, or maybe this Sunday night in particular, exude of sad aura. And I know nothing to drown this melancholy but one brain drain from that drink I thirst.

Beware kidney, you are warned.

You move on from the emotions, not from the memories

If only school would give credit to the advices I give to my friends, then I won't be suicidal at the moment. And if only this friend would listen and realize I could've spent my time studying criminal proceedings, then she won't be suicidal, too.

The search for the ultimate coffee shop

And no, I didn't look for the best coffee shop around Cubao area. I spent an hour looking for a coffee shop, that's it. If this is a regular day, I could've just went to to typical spot in Starbucks Alimall. But the winds last night were cool like hell, and the brownout that came with it was a ridiculous aftermath.

Tangina naman Basyang, bakit ba ang tigas tigas mo?

I slept last night without electricity. I woke up without any sign of light and signal from my phone. Afraid of my 12PM class, I crammed reading my Criminal cases. The moment I stepped out of the house, my phone's signal went to life and flashed the message I most dreaded- "Classes suspended."

So with no electricity in the house and sudden laziness to go to school, I called my sister to accompany me to Cubao and grab some coffee to study. And there the search started.

I went to Alimall first. Sbucks there is not crowded compared to that of Araneta where people flock to be noticed. (If you are in the mood to study, I recommend this place if you are around the area.) But with lightning stricken bad luck, the shop was closed. Next stop, Coffee Bean/ Krispy Kreme area in Gateway. But no seats available.

I drove back to Alimall to check again, but still closed. I was almost enticed to just go inside SM Cubao, knowing there's a small coffee shop in the middle of the basement, but decided not to. Gloria Jeans in Shopwise is crowded by foreigners. Out of frustration, I went inside Gateway to check Starbucks and Figaro, despite my pet peeve of seeing a lot of people while having coffee. But still, no seat.

Last resort, I called my friend in Katipunan to check if there's any good place in the area, but friend was also in for a search since Seattle's Best and other shops were whether closed or full. Tomas Morato or Maginhawa is too far for a laze ass like me.

Right after I ended the call, a couple left a table in Starbucks Gateway. I grabbed my bag and raced my way inside. Goodness gracious. The end.

Random

1)At least once a sem, I suffer a physical breakdown. And after one month in school, I said hello to medications again.

It started Wednesday, right after I was called by a professor and stood for two hours in the class trying to answer the fairness of criminal construction in the country. The next thing I knew, I was having problem breathing. Then last night, while my friends are in Katipunan drinking, I was at home drowning myself with bioflu and multivitamins.

Today, despite the headache and drowsiness, I went to my morning class because an automatic grade of 5 is given to someone who is absent and called. I wasn't called. I don't know if that's good thing or not.

2) Despite the terror it brings, I love school. I love the company and random funny moments like when we were talking about a friend's look-a-like in the higher level.

Friend: Anong tawag dun, yung sa How I met, GANGBANGER?

Me and another friend: Huh?

Friend: Yung kamukha, gangbanger?

*after 5 seconds*

Friend: Ay DOPPELGANGER pala.

Slb: Sa ibang show kasi yung ganbanger. Porn dude.

3) Weekly grocery has always been on my to do list. And I usually go after class, thus with all stacks of books and paper in my bag. So from school few days ago, I went to shop and proceeded to the baggage counter. Upon carrying my bags, the baggage personnel looked at me suspiciously and asked "Boss, anong laman nito. Bakit ang bigat?" I looked at him and with conviction said "Papel."

4) I now have two favorite time of the month, 15th and 30th. Yes, payday. I love friends who already have jobs because I have more reasons to be treated every month.

5) My mom informed me that I am to godfather (is this even a verb?) a childhood friend's new born son. A few months ago, I just had my high school classmate's daughter to worry every Christmas. But according to my mom, I should be lucky because people remember me and still connects. I just said yes. I can't argue with a person who attends wedding and christening in a weekly basis.

Argh. I hate signs of getting old.

And now, I must rest. Ktnxbye.

Better lock this in your pocket

This is no secret. Well, I don't really announce this in front of everyone because it will absolutely raise eyebrows (and getting out of the closet is the least of my priority now). But I am hooked to this new girl show on ABC.

Pretty Little Liars, it is. After the disappointment Gossip Girl brought me for the past two seasons, I looked for a good new no-brainer show to delve in in case of too much academic pressure. The mystery premise I love, Ian Harding is just a bonus.

And it has one of the awesomest opening song I have seen for the past few years. Ultimate LSS. The Pierces is love.

Cause two can keep a secret,

If one of them is dead.

And now, your new Sticky Guy aka Spiderman

Well for me, he looks less manly compared to Toby Maguire, but he has this same boy-next door aura that makes me wet my pants.

Plus, he made a lot of good movies already! I like him in Boy A and despite being casted with Collin Farell in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, his new boy effect got me. And in case you haven't watched the short film I'm Here, please do so.

And he is British for god's sake.

Andrew Garfield *drool*

And if he is not enough for you, Marc Webb(PUN!) is directing.

And come on, this is Spider-man, where the lead guy wakes up with sticky stuffs in his hands.