Lost conversation

I was pretty sure I have deleted every saved YM conversations we had before.

Last April, just before graduation, I cleaned my computer, deleting all the unnecessary undergrad files and documents that I won't be needing anymore. And that included every small things that would probably remind me of you.

Then last night. It never came into me that I don't delete conversations in YM, thus the archiving works properly. So while browsing for some old conversations with my friend Leeo, I stumbled upon this.

v*l: Sino na kasi crush mo?

slb: Para hindi mo na ako kulitin, ikaw na lang.

v*l: Anong ako? Ako?

slb: Para hindi ka nga mangulit:)

v*l: Weh corny. Yung totoo kasi.

slb: (that emoticon of ROFL)

v*l: Hay nako. Eh di kung sinabi mo kung sino, tapos na kulitan.

slb: Ikaw nga. O tapos na?

v*l: Totoo?Joke ba yan o totoo?

slb: Grabe no Busy na lahat ng tao ngayon.

v*l: Joke ba yan o totoo?

v*l: Joke ba yan o totoo? (he really typed this twice)

slb: Grabe, hindi na ako tinantanan.

v*l: Sige, tatantanan na kita.

slb: Shit. Sorry.

A year ago, I was that naive and cynic. Well, I am still a cynic, but you know what I mean. My memory of you during those days we still had this kind of conversation is now vague. All I know is that everything crumbled. And for all those butterflies and lack of courage, I blame myself.

So I closed the messenger and went back to studying. I realized emptying my YM archives will do nothing, given that I still can't erase you from my fucking stupid mind.